Pump-Action Dewey
by Clodd Howard
Summary: Dewey finally fuckin snaps
1. a simpler time

It was a normal fucking day in beach citiy. Mac Daddy dewey was sittin in his chair playin call of duty 18: interdimensional warfare online with all the dlcs and map packs installed. Right as he was about to get his 34.6 killstreak, some little shit with the gamertag Xx_steven_dankverse420_xX 360 noscoped his ass out of existence . "HEY THIS LITTLE SHIT'S USIN AN AIMBOT" screamed the irate mayor. "lol ur just mad cuz don't get the dank weed like i do, get on my level u scrub" exclaimed the pudgy young boy who lived with 3 illegal aliens. "N-NO IM NOT STEVEN, SHUT UP!" "lol i bet you dont even have the pink fedora dlc, ur such a n00b". This was outrageous, Mayor dewey did too have the pink fedora dlc! The balding mayor tried to continue playing the game but steven kept spawnkilling him and teabagging his body. " STOP IT STEVEN, STOP BULLYING ME IM GONNA TELL MY MOM ON YOU" "lol I'm fukin ur mom anyway so it doesn't even matter". This was the final straw. Mayor Dewey ragequited and tossed his ps6 out the window (btw this story takes place in da future ok) and kicked down the door and went outside. He got in his mayor-mobile and drove off. He now had a new mission: to _murder steven and his entire fucking family_.


	2. oh baby

It was a long bumpy ride over to steven's beach house, mostly because he ran over a few people on the way (but hes the mayor so its ok). Anyway, after mayor dewey got done driving to steven's house he got out and ran to the front door and rang the doorbell. After waiting for like 2 minutes, Pearl showed up at the door. Ah yes, pearl, mayor Dewey's one true love and waifu. She had beauty, she had grace, she was from outer space. "Mayor Dewey what are doing here? is there another political opponent you want us beat up?" said the pale gem. Instead of answering, Mayor Dewey took out a baseball bat and hit her in the head. Pearl fell to the floor and twitched a bit before poofing into her gem. The impact cracked her gem a little but he had a Band-Aid so it was okay. Mayor dewey then picked her gem up, gave it a little kiss, and then put it in his shirt pocket. Pearl, he decided, would be spared from the coming massacre. Once the carnage was over, he and the alien beauty would move to Miami, Florida to start their new life together as chicken farmers. But that would have to wait. For now, all that mattered was making that little afro boy pay.

AN: Really looking for some feedback here guys, feel free to drop some constructive criticism in the comments :)


	3. COME ON AND SLAM

Anyway, after mayor dewey shoved pearl's gem into his shirt pocket, he entered the mystical abode. Once he got in he saw amethyst sitting on the couch watching tv and eating mountain-dew flavored doritos. She didn't even bother licking the chip dust off her finegers as she watched Ratouilie by pixar. That little purple shit had to die. Mayor dewehy crept up behind her on his tippy toes. Amethyst heard him though and looked behind. "uh hey mayor dewbs what r u doin her-" she didn't even finish speaking before he slammed her head against the coffee table. He then body slammed amethyst, breaking the coffee table. Amethyst raised her head a little, showing off her nose bleed (even though gems don't have blood). Mayor Dewey then grabbed her by her ankles and swung her around a bit before throwing her across the room and hitting the wall. He then walked over to her and did a piledriver on her, a move he learned while in the WWE (oh yeah mayor dewey was in the WWE by the way). He then picked her up and crumpled her up into a ball. Mayor Dewey then dribbled basketball amethyst toward the sink and slamdunked her into the garbage disposal (oh yeah mayor dewey was also in the NBA). "HEYYOOOO" screamed mayor dewey as he slammed her in. Amethyst's screams filled the room as her body and gem were destroyed. Mayor dewey did a little victory dance as the theme from space jam played in the background but then he remembered his true goal. With amethyst out the way, nothing stood between mayor dewey and that little quickscoping shit.

AN: Hope you enjoy this chapter guys, I really worked hard on it :) make sure to post some good reviows.


	4. the legend begins

Anyway, after mayor dewey got done slamdunking amethyst into the garbage disposal, he headed towards steven's room. This was it. Mayor dewey was finally going to make steven pay! He walked up the stairs to steven's room (which was just a fucking bed and tv). That pudgy little shit was oblivious to the fact that mayor dewey just _murdered_ amethyst. He was too busy racking up kills in call of duty 18: interdimensional warfare with all the dlcs and map packs installed. "STEVEN SHITVERSE I HAVE COME TO GET MY REVENGE". Steven turned away from the screen and looked at the sweaty major. "lol what are you doin here u fag did u come to fight me irl" "YES, IM GOING TO MAKE YOU PAY FOR SAYING THAT YOU FUCKED MY MOTHER" screamed mayor dewey. "lol it was just a prank bro" replied steven. Mayor dewey couldn't stand the sight of him anymore so he took out a pump-action shotgun and blew steven's stupid ass fucking brains out across the godamn wall. "BOOM HEADSHOT" yelled mayor dewey. There was blood everywhere. Steven's head was practically fucking gone. Mayor Dewey was ecstatic that he fucking _murdered_ that little shit. He laughed and then proceeded to tea-bag his lifeless corpse; just like steven did in call of duty 18: interdimensional warfare with all the dlcs and map packs installed. He then did a victory dance and kicked steven's body out the window. But then, he herd like a wooshy sound come from the teleportation thingy in the house. "Steven, I'm home, I got ya chicken mc nuggies" said the voice of a british gem. Looks like this wasn't over yet.

AN: oh boy guys, I hope you enjor this chaper I really worked hard on it btw don't bully me in the comments pls


	5. stronger than u

Anyway, after mayor dewey got done _murdering_ steven, he walked downstairs to the teleport thingy. There stood Garnet, holding a Mcdonalds bag full of chicken mc nuggies. She had no idea that mayor dewey just _murdered_ two of her best friends and kidnapped the other. "Mayor dewey, wot r u doin ere'? I gotta give steven his mc nuggies". Mayor dewey just laughed at her. "WELL GARNET, I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I JUST GOT DONE DISPOSING OF THAT LITTLE SHITSTAIN" "wot". Just then garnet noticed the copius amounts of blood and shit all over the wall and floor as well as the remains of a purple gem scattered across the sink and also a little bit of blood where pearl landed after being hit in the head with a baseball bat (eventhough gems don't have blood). "U FOKEN WOT M8, 1V1 ME IRL SHITHEAD" said garnet as she readied her boxing gloves or whatever. "OKAY" said mayor dewey as he readied his pump-action shotgun. Garnet lunged at him and then mayor dewey shot her in the fucking head. Parts of her gem head fucking exploded and bits of her afro went everywhere. "OH YEAH" screamed the mayor. Her lifeless body fell to the ground and just layed there for a few second before splitting into 2 midgets. Mayor dewey had not anticipated this and did not react immediately. The red midget tried to run away but mayor dewey shot her in the back of head, making her pop into her gem. Meanwhile the blue midget tried to escape through the window but mayor dewey caught her and hit her with the butt of his shot gun. He then got a cannon out and loaded the blue midget into it and fired her into fucking space, never to be seen again.  
He then looked behind and saw a pink lion sniffing around and stuff. Mayor dewey got ready to shoot, but lion winked at him and then jumped out the window. Mayor dewey was unsure of what just happened but didn't really care. He then picked up the red midget's gem and ate it "mmm, tastes like starburtsts" he thought. Mayor Dewey then took steven's video game collection, shot Rose's portrait, ate a sandwhich, and went outside. He then got a Molotov cocktail out and threw it into steven's house, setting it on fire. He then got in his mayor-mobile and drove off toward the carwash.

AN: okay guys hope u enjored this chapter I really worked hard on it, make sure to tell me what u think about in the comments and stuff


	6. sins of the father

Anyway, after mayor dewey got done _murdering_ the crystal gems (except for pearl cuz shes his waifu), he drove toward the carwash where steven's dad worked. Ah yes, Greg shitverse, the literal definition of a neckbeard. He spent all his time either washing cars or eating peanut butter and jelly sandwhiches. His life was basically in shambles. Mayor dewey drove up in the mayormobile to see greg covering his entire body with peanut butter. He stopped to wave at mayor dewey who was now driving at a very fast spped right at him. Mayor dewey then jumped out of the mayormobile and rolled on the ground (kinda like dat one episode where lapis sucked up the entire ocean except it was garent instead of mayor dewey). The car hit greg at a high impact and then exploded because mayor dewey put c4 in it. The carbomb exploded greg and his stupid ass fucking carwash while some epic instumental music played in the background. Mayor dewey was pretty happy with himself. He finally _murdered_ steven and his entire family!(except for pearl and lion). However, something just didn't feel right almost like he was empty inside or something. Mayor dewey decide to go the big donut in order to clear his mind. He saw a little kid riding his bike so he took out his pump-action shotgun and shot them and then stole their bike. He then bicycled all the way to the big donut where donut boy and his midget girlfriend lived.

AN: hope u guyz injor this chapter guyz i really worked hard on it ps kevin mayor dewey is not gay okay he has a waifu pearl


	7. donut boy

Anyway, after mayor dewey got done exploding greg's stupid fucking carwash with his carbomb, he rode toward the big donut in the bicycle he stole from a little kid that he shot with his pump-action shotgun. He needed to clear his mind after _murdering_ steven and his entire family (minus pearl and lion) so he decided to get a coffee and donut at the big donut where donut boy and his midget girlfriend lived. Mayor dewey arrived at the big donut and threw his bike on the ground and walked in. Once he got in he saw donut boy moving boxes or whatever. His ears were literally fucking donuts. "PARDON ME YOUNG MAN, I WOULD LIKE TO AQUIRE SOME DONUTS AS WELL AS A HOT COFFEE" said mayor dewey to donut boy. Donut boy just stared at him for like 2 minutes and then said "ok i'll git saide to dew it" he then yelled to his midget girlfriend "HEY SAIDE MAYER DEWY WANS SUM DONUTS" "ok" replied donut boy's midget girlfriend. While donut boy was getting mayor dewey some donuts and coffee, he took out some brochures of Miami, Florida where he would start his new life with pearl. He daydreamed about a simpler life, tilling the field, feeding the chickends, raisin half gem half human babies with pearl. His new life was going to be perfect. However, he was still kind of conflicted though cause he felt a little empty inside after _murdering_ steven and his entire family. While he pondered on this stuff donut boy brought out a tray with a couple of donuts on them and some coffee. "here ya go mayer dewy thatll be 5.99" mayor dewey then pulled out some money and **_slammed_** it into donut boy's hand. "HERE YOU ARE YOUNG MAN, KEEP THE CHANGE" donut boy looked at the money for a few seconds before replying "ok thanks mayer dewy, me and saide are gonna be in da back room for a while don't bother us". Donut boy then walked into the back room to do some stuff or whatever.

Mayor dewey looked down at the dish in front of him. Ah yes, donuts, the snack of champions. He picked up the circular food-item and took a bite. " _mmm_ " the mayor let out in glee "it aint no krispy kreme but it'll do" thought the balding mayor. He then lifted the coffee up to his mouth to complete the euphoric experience. The moment the coffee touched his mouth he spit it out. " ** _EUGH_** " the mayor yelled " ** _THIS COFFEES FUCKING COLD_** ". Mayor dewey's donut experience was officialy ruined. He threw his tray on the ground and stomped on it. He then picked up his chair and threw through the window. Mayor Dewey was fucking pissed. He turned around and headed toward the back room where donut boy and his midget girlfriend were. He got there and was shocked at what he saw. Donut boy and his midget girlfriend were having sex! How dare they! "HEY DONUT BOY WHAT THE **FUCK** ". Donut boy just looked at him and said "wut da fuk mayer dewy I told u not to come in here". "WHY THE FUCK IS MY COFFEE COLD" screamed mayor dewey as he flapped his arms angrily. "i don know" donut boy then looked at his midget girlfriend "saide whys his coffe cold". His girlfriend said "i don know". Donut boy then looked at mayor dewey and did his arms like people do when they don't know. Mayor dewey was fed up with this bullshit so he took out his pump-action shot gun and blew donut boy's fucking brains out. The trajectory of the splatter was just right as some of it got in his girlfriend's mouth. She gagged a bit before mayor dewey shot her in the head. "OH YEAH BABY" He then got some gasoline out and poured it all over their bodies as well as everywhere else in the big donut. He then got a match out and set the building on fucking fire. He then walked outside and took a look at this shithole of a town. He then realized what he had to do. He got on his bike and rode away. He now had a new goal, to _murder everyone in beach city_.

Meanwhile on the moon, an angry blue midget looked down at earth with her one eye. "just you wait dewey, just you wait" she exclaimed before heading back to her crater home.

AN: Ah jeez guyz things are really heatin up hope u injured this chapter I really worked hard on it it took me 3 hours to make so no bully pls.


	8. african pizza restaurant massacre

Anyway, after mayor dewey got done burning down the big donut, he bicycled to the african pizza restaurant where african guy and his african family lived with their midget african grandmother. When mayor dewey got there he threw his stolen bike on the ground and kicked down the door to african pizza restaurant. Once he got in he saw Kofi sitting at his fucking counter with his 2 dumbass african daughters. They're last names were literally fucking _pizza_. Kofi said to mayor dewey "aaay it-sa may-a dewey!" (oh yeah I forgot they're also Italian) "how-a bout I mak-a you a spicy pizza!". Mayor dewey approached him and then _**slammed**_ his hands on the counter and began to speak. "REMEMBER THE TIME WHEN YOUR DUMBASS DAUGHTERS AND MIDGET GRANDMOTHER TIPPED OVER MY FUCKING VAN". "uh, yeah-a" stammered out the moustached african-italian pizza shop owner. "WELL I HAVE COME TO REPAY THE FAVOR" mayor dewey then took out his pump-action shotgun and aimed it at kofi. "oh-a shit-a" were his last words before mayor dewey shot him in his stupid fucking head. His brains went fucking everywhere and even got on some of da pizza. "Holy shit!" yelled his pizza daughters. They tried to run but mayor dewey pumped their stupid fucking bodies with lead. "MAMMA MIA" screamed mayor dewey in delight. Meanwhile literally no one noticed the raging inferno that was now the big donut. Just then theyre stupid ass midget african-italian grandmother burst through the back door. "What-sa goin-a on back-a her- MAMMA MIA" she screamed seeing a triumphant dewey standing over her family's lifeless corpses. "What have-a you done to my precious-a meat-a balls!" she said. Mayor dewey just laughed before picking her up and throwing her through the african pizza store restaruaunt window. He then picked up a shard of glass and walked over to her and slit her throat. He then took out a grenade and threw into the pizza restaurant, blowing it up. Mayor dewey then started walking toward that restaurant that only sells fries.

AN: ok gyz hope you relly enjoarped this chapper I relay worked hard on it don't bully me in the comments pls ps special thanks to da supporters of my story u guyz r realy cool


	9. fryboi

Anyway, after mayor dewey got done exploding the stupid ass african pizza restaurant, he headed toward the restauraunt that only sells fries. When he got there fryguy was makin some fries or whatever. Literally fucking no one noticed the fact that african pizza restaurant just fucking exploded. His son fryboi was in his french fry costume or whatever while his other son Ronaldo was on his stupid ass computer blogging about shit. This was literally the most pathetic family in existence. Mayor dewey walked up to fryguy and **_slammed_** his fist on the counter. "Uh mister dewey, is there a problem?" asked fryguy whose hat was literally fucking fries. Mayor Dewey grabbed a hold of his shirt collar and began to speak "WHAT KIND OF _DUMBASS_ RESTAURANT ONLY SELLS FRIES YOU FAT **_FUCK"_** "uh, um" stammered out the goateed fryguy. "WELL GUESS WHAT FRYBOI, YOUR REIGN OF SHIT IS OVER" mayor dewey then took out his pump-action shotgun and shot fryguy in his stupid fucking head. His brains covered the fries like ketchup and his skull fragments coated them like salt. "HEYOOO" screamed the triumphant mayor. Fryguy's retarded sons started to panic and fryboi began to run while Ronaldo started recording the situation. "Ah man my familys getting murdered! I better blog about this!". Mayor dewey chased fryboi down and tackled him. He then took out a knife and began stabbing fryboi through his costume. His muffled screams echoed through his costume. Mayor dewey then lifted up the costume to look at the fryboi's face. He was bleeding and crying. Mayor dewey gave him a little kiss on his forehead and fryboi died in peace. He then lifted him up and set him in the water. He got some flowers and placed them in fryboi's hands and then cast him out into the sea. A single tear fell down mayor Dewey's cheek. He then got out a crossbow with a flaming bolt on it and shot it at fryboi, giving him a proper Viking funeral. He then turned toward the restaurant to finish off Ronaldo. Ronaldo had barricaded himself in the back room and was now blogging about the whole thing on his computer. "I KNOW YOURE IN THERE RONALDO" said mayor dewey "nuh uh" replied Ronaldo. Mayor dewey was about to shoot down the door but he saw a flash of pink in the corner of his eye. It was lion. The pink feline winked at mayor dewey before breaking down the door. He then jumped inside and began to maul Ronaldo. The teenager's screams filled the room as lion ripped and clawed his flesh off. When it was over all that remained of Ronaldo was his stupid hat because Lion ate him. Mayor dewey and lion then high fived. It was awesome. Mayor dewey then started a grease fire in the Fry restaurant and walked outside with lion. Mayor dewey saw onion just standing there and watching. He picked him up, snapped his neck, and then threw him down. Mayor dewey then got on lion and headed toward beach city funland.

AN:HOpe u guys enjorad the emotional sene I put in I relly worked on it for a long time.


	10. funland massacre

Anyway, after mayor dewey and lion got done _murdering_ the fry family fucks, they headed toward beach city funland where everyone was having lots of fun despite the fact both the big donut and the fry restaurant were on fire. Once they got there mayor dewey saw mr smiley having a gay old time with some park patrons. He saw mayor dewey and said "Hey mayor dewey, what are ya doin with steven's cat". Mayor dewey did not answer but instead pulled out a pipe bomb and threw into beach city funland. He learned how to make pipe bombs during his time in the IRA (oh yeah mayor dewey was also in the Irish Republican Army). The pipe bomb rolled onto the platform and just layed there for a while before exploding. The explosion went off killing several park goers as well as collapsing the platform that it stood on. The rides and shit as well as all the people fell into the water. Theyr started thrashing in the water so mayour dewey got ready to shoot but mr smiley ran up and yelled "MAYOR DEWEY WHAT THE HEL-". Those were his last words before mayor dewey shot him in head, spraying his blood everywhere. Mayor dewey then took out his pump-action tommy gun and started firing into the water. People were dying left and right as mayor dewey emptied into them. "OH YEAH, YOU HAVIN FUN NOW YA FAGS" screamed mayor dewey. Most of the people were now dead and the thrashing and blood and stuff attracted a bunch of sharks who then ate the survivors. Mayor dewey was about to high five lion on another job well done but then a bullet whizzed past his head, which gave him a little spook. He looked behind to where the bullet came from and saw a middle aged blond woman holding a double barreled shotgun. It was... Vidalia!

AN: sorry fur knot updattin yesterday guyz but don't worry things are gonna get relly intense next chapper hope u enjoajroed


	11. dewey vs vidalia

Mayor dewey gazed at her in shock. "VIDALIA, WHAT THE _**FUCK**_ DO THINK YOURE DOING SHOOTING AT ME, IM THE MAYOR FOR GODS SAKE". Vidalia reloaded her double barreled shotgun and then spoke. "I have come to avenge my son you godamned bureaucrat!" shouted the middle aged woman holding a smoking double barreled shotgun. Her hair was literally shaped like a _fucking onion_. "WHAT ARE YOU TALIKING ABOUT YOU FUCKIN- oh wait" Mayor dewey then flashbacked to like 10 minutes ago when he snapped onion's fucking neck. "WELL HE DESERVED IT OK, HE WAS ALWAYS LOOKING AT ME FUNNY AND HE NEVER VOTED FOR ME DURING ELECTIONS. BESIDES, WHAT KIND OF DUMBASS MOTHER NAMES THEIR CHILD AFTER A FUCKING **VEGETABLE** " Vidalia grew angry at this and again shot at mayor dewey. The bullet grazed past him, nearly hitting his balding head. Mayor dewey got out his pump-action shotgun and fired at her, but he astonishingly missed as Vidalia had dodged it. Mayor dewey then realized that this would be no ordinary battle. He got behind some wreckage from what used to be beach city funland and took cover. Mayor dewey then noticed that lion was running away "LION WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING". Lion did not reply but instead winked and then ran off. Mayor dewey then held out his arms like people sometimes do when theyre confused. Another bullet whizzed past him as Vidalia had also taken cover and was now trying to kill mayor dewey with her double-barreled shotgun.

Mayor dewey returned fire, but the bullet hit the bench she was hiding behind. This exchange of bullets lasted for 10 minutes before Jamey the mailman passed by mayor dewey. "Uh mayor dewey whats going on-" Jamie asked before Mayor dewey pumped him full of lead. Mayor dewey then realized he had enough kills for his 34.6 killstreak (onion only counts as .6 cuz hes little). He then called in an attack helicopter that was driven by manyor Dewey's secret police/bodyguards. The attack helicopter destroyed Vidalia's cover with its minigun and she was forced to retreat. Mayor dewey and the attack helicopter managed to chase her toward the funland arcade whilst Vidalia returned fire, always just barely missing. The people there were oblivious to the assault going on outside as they were all focused on playing the arcade games. They soon scattered, however, when mayor dewey and his attack helicopter started firing at Vidalia inside. They finally had her cornered, or so it seemed. Vidalia managed to get ahold of a toy bazooka from an arcade game and turn it into a real bazooka. She then fired it at the attack helicopter. The missile or whatever the hell bazookas shoot hit the attack helicopter and started to kinda spin out of control before falling through the roof of the arcade and exploding.

When the dust and shit cleared, Mayor dewey and Vidalia stood at either ends of the arcade like how 2 people do when they get ready to duel. They then both lunged at eachother with swords because their shotguns had ran out ammo. They fought an epic sword battle with lots of clashes and parries and shit. They were now fighting on a really tall piece of rubble. The sounds of their swords clashing filled the air as they dueled. Mayor dewey managed to overpower Vidalia and pushed her off the piece of rubble. When Vidalia landed on the ground, mayor dewey yelled "ITS OVER VIDALIA, I HAVE THE HIGH GROUND". "Oh yeah?!" Vidalia shouted. She then pulled out a revolver and shot mayor dewey in the ankle. " ** _AGH_** " he screamed as fell to the ground. As his ankle bled out on the ground, Vidalia walked over to him to finish him off. She grinned as she pointed the revolver at his head. "Any last words mister mayor?" she asked triumphantly. Mayor dewey said nothing and closed his eyes and accepted his fate. Just when Vidalia was about to shoot, she suddenly heard a La Cucaracha horn in the distance. When she looked to see the source, she saw a pink lion driving a convertible heading right toward her. "OH SHI-" she exclaimed before lion rammed into her, saving mayor Dewey's life. The car pinned her against the wall of the arcade, nearly killing her. Mayor dewey got to his feet, picked up the revolver and limped toward her. She looked up to see mayor dewey aiming revolver at her head. "HEYOOOOO" Mayor dewey shouted as he shot her right between the eyes. Mayor dewey had done it. He had defeated Vidalia! Him and lion high-fived as they got in the convertible and started to drive away. Lion tended to mayor dewey's wounds as the pair drove along the beach. They then stopped and saw Yellowtail in the distance on his stupid-ass boat. Mayor dewey then took out the bazooka from earlier and fired it at yellowtail, capsizing his boat and drowning him. Mayor dewey and lion then high fived and then headed toward wherever the fuck Sour Cream was.

AN: sorry for no update yesterday guyz I was eatin shrimp with mah dad, hope this reaaally long chapper makes up for it though no bully pls hoped you umpired it.


	12. womp womp

Anyway, after mayor dewey and lion defeated Vidalia and sunk yellowtail's stupid ass fucking boat, they went to that building where sour cream holds raves and shit like that. They got to the building that had holes in it for some reason. Lion just accelerated the convertible right into the building, putting another hole in it. sour cream was throwing a rave eventhough it was like 2:00 PM. There were a bunch of teenagers who were raving and partying except for one guy who was having a seizure on the floor due to the lights and stuff. Sour Cream was deejaying using a bunch of Gameboys however the fuck that works and even Buck was there. Mayor dewey was shocked that his son was hanging out with all these losers. Mayor dewey got out of the convertible, _**slammed**_ the door, and marched over to buck. Nobody even noticed that they had crashed a car into the rave. "YOUNG MAN WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING IN THIS PLACE OF ILL REPUTE" buck was surprised by his dad being there because he hadn't noticed him "yo dad what a-ya doin here, ya makin me look lame". Mayor dewey was insulted by this claim "SON, I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW IM THE COOLEST CAT IN TOWN" he said before doing some sick dance moves. "dad what are ya even doin here" asked buck to his breakdancing dad. "SON, YA GOTTA COME WITH ME, WE'RE STARTING A NEW LIFE IN MIAMI FLORIDA, WE'RE GONNA BE CHICKEN FARMERS" "dad that sounds totally lame". Mayor dewey knew that buck would be reluctant to starting their new life so he gave a little whistle that was a signal to lion. Lion then took out a blowgun and shot a tranquilizer dart into buck's neck. "ACH ECH EUGH" grunted out the teenager before collapsing on the ground. Mayor dewey then picked him up and carried him over to the car. He then put him in the backseat and took a blanket and tucked him in like a lil baby and kissed his forehead. It was so cute.

However, now that buck was saved from these troublemaking teens, mayor dewey had a job to do. He marched straight to the DJ booth where sour cream was. "EXCUSE ME SHITHEAD" mayor dewey yelled to the deejaying teenager. "womp womp?" replied sour cream. "MY GOD, ITS EVEN WORSE THEN I THOUGHT, THE RAVING HAS FRIED HIS BRAIN COMPLETELY" exclaimed mayor dewey". "womp womp womp womp womp?" asked the deejaying teenager. "I GOTTA PUT YA OUT OF YOUR MISERY" mayor dewey then took out his pump-action shotgun and blew out sour cream's stupid ass brains. His brains got all over the game boys or whatever and some even coated some of the ravers but they didn't really care. It even got on the guy who was having a seizure. Mayor dewey then started unloading on the crowd. Lion strategically placed the car in a spot so it stopped anyone from escaping. One by one the ravers got murdered by mayor dewey and his pump-action shotgun and also lion as he shot some people with Vidalia's revolver. Mayor dewey managed to corner one of the stupid ravers who had a tiel scarf on. It was Kevin from that one episode where steven and connie fused into a giant lady! "n-no p-please don't hurt me!" stammered out kevin "WHAT ARE YA GAY OR SOMETHIN KEVIN" mocked mayor dewey. "n-no, shut up mayor dewey!" stammered out the loser. Mayor dewey just laughed before splattering his brains all over the fucking wall. "ANOTHER JOB WELL DONE, EH LION" exclaimed the balding mayor. Everyone in the rave was dead, even that one guy who was having a seizure. Lion ate him in one bite. The pair then got back in the convertible and drove off. While they were driving they saw Sadie's mom who was a mailwoman. Mayor dewey just took out his pump-action shotgun and did a drive-by shooting on her and killed her. Mayor dewey and lion then drove toward where connie lived.

AN: hope u guyz really institutionalized this chapter I worked hard on it, pls tell me what u thought about it :)


	13. sudoku

Anyway, after mayor dewey got done _murdering_ sour cream and all his stupid raver friends, he drove toward Connie's house. Eventhough connie wasn't a citizen of beach city, she was steven shitverse's girlfriend and thus had to die. Mayor dewey and lion pulled up to her house in their convertible. Mayor dewey got out and **_slammed_** the door. "YOU STAY HERE LION, I CAN DO THIS ON MY OWN" mayor dewey said to the pink feline. He marched up to the door and _pounded_ on it. A few seconds later a middle aged woman with graying hair answered the poundings. "Um, who are you?" asked Connie's mom. "PARDON ME, MISS, IS CONNIE HERE" asked mayor dewey. "Why yes of course, I'm her mother, why?" "OH, NO REASON" replied the balding mayor. Mayor dewey then took out his pump-action shotgun and blew Connie's mom read clean off. Her brains and shit flew all over the house landing on several pieces of furniture including the couch, lamp, and coffee table. Connie's dad heard the commotion and came to the situation. "Honey are you all right, I heard gunsho-" he said before mayor dewey shot him square in the face. "OH YEAH" he screamed in triumph. He danced and then proceeded to piss all over their bodies. However, the premature celebration had to end. With those two shmucks out of the way, nothing stood between mayor dewey and steven's retarded girlfriend.

Mayor dewey walked up the stairs and to Connie's room. He arrived at her door which had the picture of some anime character on it. Someone named "Hideki Tojo". He kicked down the door and glared at the girl across the room. Ah yes, connie, the literal definition of a weeaboo. She spent all her time either meditating with incense or learning how to speak to Japanese on rosetta stone. She had converted to shintoism and once tried to commit Sudoku when some kids bullied her at school. Her life was basically in shambles (jus like me). Her room was covered with posters of various anime characters such as emperor Hirohito and Isoroku Yamamoto and above her desk hung an imperial Japanese flag. What a fuckin weeb. "AHEM, YOUNG LADY" mayor dewey yelled at her. Connie was too busy reenacting pearl harbor with some toy ships and planes and did notice the fact that mayor dewey had kicked down her door. "What are you doing here you spineless American, can you not see I am busy" she said in some strange Asian accent as she reenacted the sinking of the SS Arizona. "CONNIE I HAVE COME TO DISPOSE OF YOU" mayor dewey exclaimed. Connie was not impressed "oh really, or is it me who is to dispose of you?". Connie stood up, revealing that she was wearing full samurai armor. She then took out a katana and lunged at mayor dewey. Luckily mayor dodged the attack. "HOW DARE YOU, YOU FUCKING WEEB" He yelled before shooting at her. The bullet missed and connie once again lunged at the mayor. This time her sword cut his shirt a little bit. "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH THIS SHIRT COSTS YOU LITTLE SHIT" he yelled. "Not as much as the countless lives lost at Hiroshima" she replied. She then swiped at mayor Dewey's shotgun, splitting it in half.

"OH SHIT" he yelled. He then ran out of room as connie threw some throwing stars at him. He ran down the stairs and then tripped giving him a couple boo-boos on his knee. Connie jumped down, plunging the sword into the carpet. Luckily mayor dewey dodged it and rolled into the kitchen. He got up and grabbed a kitchen knife off the table. The katana and kitchen knife clashed against eachother as the two fought. Just when it seemed like connie had the upper hand, mayor dewey kneed her in the stomach disorienting her. He then grabbed her by the head and slammed it against a kitchen counter several times. He then chokeslammed her onto the floor. "OH YEAH BABY YOU WERENT EVEN READY FOR DEWEMANIA" he yelled triumphantly. While connie lay there writhing on the floor mayor dewey took the knife and was about to stabe her in the throat when she stopped. "No, I must be the one to do it" with that she took her Japanese ceremonial knife that she got on ebay for 15 dollars and plunged it into her stomach, finally commiting suduko. Mayor dewey took his fingers and closed her eyes before kissing her forehead. He then went upstairs to get his pump-action shotgun that was cut in half and then went outside. He then got out a Molotov cocktail and threw into her house, setting it on fire.

Mayor dewey then realized that killing connie had givent him enough kills for the tactical nuke killstreak. He and lion and buck who was unconscious in the back seat then drove toward that hill in that one episode where steven almost killed donut boy with moss. When they got there mayor dewey and lion got out and stood over the hill. "THIS IS IT LION, THE MOMENT WEVE BEEN WAITING FOR" he exclaimed holding the nuclear detonator in his hand. They both put on some shades to get ready. "3...2...1!" he exclaimed before what was left of beach city exploded in a fiery explosion of fire and plutonium and stuff. The light was blinding but luckily they had sunglasses so it was okay. Mayor dewey was ecstatic, he had finally murdered everyone in beach city! He and lion high fived and then got in the convertible. Next stop, Miami Florida!

AN: ok guyz hope you rellhy emancipated this capper its my longest one yet don't worry storys not gonna end here ;) ps don't bully me pls


	14. miami florida roadtrip exstravaganza

Anyway, after mayor dewey got done _nuking_ beach city, he, Lion, and the unconscious Buck in the back seat headed off toward Miami Florida. It would be a long ride to the promised land where the suns shines all the time and the beaches are always sandy. Kind of like Beach City, except Miami wasn't a nuclear wasteland devoid of all life. They would need various food items and drinks and stuff on the way there though, so Mayor dewey decided to stop at a gas station to get some supplies. When they got there, mayor dewey got out and **_slammed_** the car door. "ALRIGHT LION IM GONNA GET SOME SUPPLIES, YA WANT ANYTHING IN SPECIFIC" he asked the pink feline " _Rawr_ " replied Lion. "I DONT SPEAK LIONESE BUT I'LL JUST ASSUME YOU WANT SOME DORITOS OK" mayor dewey responded. Lion let out another roar before he started playin with the gas pump thingy. Mayor dewey walked into the store and took in the sights. Various aisles with items on them ranging from cigarettes to alcohol to- "AH MAN THEY GOT SOUR STRAWS" mayor dewey exclaimed with joy. Mayor dewey fucking loved sour straws! They were his favorite candy. He often used them to drink mountain dew out of when he was racking up killstreaks on call of duty 18: interdimensional warfare with all the dlcs and map packs installed. He grabbed all the sour straws of every flavor except for yellow because yellows fucking disgusting. He then grabbed 42 bottles of mountain dew and various other drinks like root beer and sprite. He then grabbed a bunch of doritos and headed toward the cashier.

Mayor dewey got to the cashier and placed all his stuff on the counter. "I WOULD LIKE TO PURCHASE ALL THESE FINE ITEMS MY GOOD MAN" he said to the middle-eastern cashier. "OH" mayor exclaimed remembering pearl's gem in his front pocket. He then grabbed some skittles and placed them on the counter. "AND A LITTLE SOMETHIN FOR THE MISSUS YA KNOW" he said with a wink. The cashier took a few minutes to scan all the items and count up the cost. "Alright sir that will be $567 dollars and 29 cents" he told the former mayor beach city. Mayor dewey took out his wallet and reached in to look for some cash. He had $3 dollars and a nickel. He _**slammed**_ the money on the counter. "WILL THIS DO" he asked the cashier. The cashier looked at the money for a few second be for replying "no". "I SEE" mayor said. Mayor dewey then got out his knife and threw it into the cashier's fucking neck. His blood started spurting everywhere and got on some the candy and stuff. Mayor dewey quickly grabbed all his stuff and ran out the door, setting off the store alarm. "GET IN THE CAR LION WE GOTTA GO" mayor dewey yelled to lion who was currently tangled up in the gas pump thingy cuz he was a cat. Lion got in the car eventhough he was still all tangled up. Mayor threw the supplies in the back seat and then hopped in the passenger side. Lion then started driving eventhough he was still tangled up. The gas pump detached and started trailing behind the convertible. "DRIVE FAST LION" mayor dewey told the pink feline. It wasn't long before the pair heard police sirens behind them.

"SHIT ITS THE POLICE" mayor dewey exclaimed. Lion's paw pressed down harder on the gas pedal and mayor dewey climbed into the back seat. " _THIS IS THE POLICE, PULL OVER IMMEDIATLY_ " "I DONT THINK SO BABY" mayor dewey yelled back at them. Mayor dewey then took out his pump-action shotgun that lion had repaired and started firing at the cops. The cop car in front managed to avoid the first few shots before one of them hit the windshield, killing the driver. The cop car then flipped over crashing the other cop car and causing a big ass fucking explosion in the distance. "ALRIGHT LION I THINK THATS ALLS OF THEM" he told the magenta cat. Just then buck woke up due to all the commotion and the fact that mayor dewey was stepping on his face. "Ugh dad what happened, the last thing I rememba was the rave with soua cream, why are we in a fuckin convertible covered with snacks" the teenager asked his father. "I TOLD YA SON, WE'RE GOING TO MIAMI TO BE CHICKEN FARMERS, THIS IS YOUR NEW MOTHER, PEARL" he said pulling out the pale gem with a Band-Aid on it. "Dad thatsa rock" "THIS IS YOUR NEW MOTHER YOU LITTLE SHIT AND YOU WILL TREAT HER WITH RESPECT" he yelled at buck. "Dad I don't wanta new mom or be a chicken farma that's totally lame" mayor dewey knew buck would still be reluctant to starting their new life so he got out a clorophorm soaked rag and shoved it in buck's face. "DAD WHATA YA DO-AGH" mayor dewey restrained him and held him down as he nearly suffocated his son with the rag. Buck struggled for a few seconds before passing out.

Mayor dewey then climbed back into the passenger's seat. Lion continued to drive perfectly fine eventhough he was tangled up in in the gas pump thingy and the gas pump was dragging behind the car. Mayor dewey got some doritos out and offered some to lion whilst eating some sour straws. "MAY I OFFER YOU SOME DORITOS MY FINE FELINE FRIEND" asked the benevolent mayor. Lion just took the bag and ate it whole. "HOW BOUT SOME TUNES EH LION" he said as he fiddled with the radio before finding the Frank Sinatra station. "AH MAN THEY GOT MY JAM" he said in delight as Frank's heavenly voice serenaded the duo. While lion drove along mayor dewey once again took out the brochures of Miami Florida. He simply couldn't wait to start his new life. Being a chicken farmer was going to be great. He and Pearl would go out and feed the chickens. Lion would protect the chickens from coyotes and other animals. They would use the eggs to make breakfast and would live off the land. Mayor dewey would go out and plough the field, then he would go inside and plough pearl. Their hot naked bodies pounding against eachother in sweet marital bliss. Mayor dewey bending her over the breakfast table as the two made passionate love, conceiving beautiful half-human half-gem babies. Miami was going to be great. Mayor dewey grew so happy at these thoughts that he began to singalong with frank sintara. " _STRANGERS IN THE NIGHT, TWO LONELY PEOPLE WE WERE STRANGERS IN THE NIGHT, UP TO THE MOMENT WHEN WE SAID OUR FIRST HELLO, LITTLE DID WE KNOW, LOVE WAS JUST A GLANCE AWAY, A WARM EMBRACING DANCE AWA-"_ right as frank and mayor dewey were about to finish, some static cut off the music and a voice interrupted. "WHAT THE _**FUCK**_ , WHAT SHITHEAD CUT OFF MY FUCKING **_JAM_** " mayor dewey yelled angrily as he pounded his fists on the dashboard, nearly breaking it. Whoever interrupted the station must have had a death wish.

The voice beagan to speak. "Reporting to homeworld *snort* this is peridorp, I've been *snort* stranded on this stupid planet with these stupid *snort* clods, requesting immediate *snort* evac at the *snort* kindergarten" spoke the voice some nasally little shit. Mayor dewey didn't care who it was. "CHANGE OF PLANS LION, WE'RE HEADIN TO THIS STUPID LITTLE SHIT'S HIDEOUT" he told the pink feline. Lion was happy to oblige and started to drive toward the kindergarten where peridorp was. Miami would have to wait. All that mattered now would be making that nasally little shit pay.

AN: oh wow guyz hope you excruciate the cahapper it was my longest one yet, rite some gud reviows pls! :)


	15. peridorp

It was a long bumpy ride to the kindergarten (mostly cuz lion ran over a few people). Mayor dewey was fucking pissed. Whoever that nasally shit who interrupted the Frank Sinatra station had to pay. When they got to the kindergarten they didn't see anything for awhile while they drove through it. Mayor dewey looked at the various holes on the side of the kindergarten thing. They would soon resemble the bullet holes that mayor dewey was about to pump into that nasally little shit. Suddently, they saw some green gem walking around and stuff while doing some stuff with a communicator. "Why won't this stupid *snort* communicator work" she said to herself. Suddenly mayor dewey took the wheel and started driving toward peridorp. "YOU LITTLE SHIT" he yelled as he acceleratated toward her. "huh" peridorp said right before mayor dewey fucking _**rammed**_ into her. Her fucking body flew across the kindergarten and hit a wall. Mayor dewey and lion got out of the car and walked toward her. Lion grabbed her and held her for mayor dewey. "WHO DO YOU WORK FOR" he screamed punching her in the face. "What are you *snort* talking about you *snort* clod!" she replied. Mayor dewey then took out a baseball bat and and fucking _**slammed**_ it into the side of her head. " _ **AGH**_ " peridorp let out. "WHY THE **FUCK** DID YOU INTERUPT MY SINATRA" he screamed at her. "I was trying to *snort* contact homeworld!" she cryed back. "OH YEAH, AND WHERE IS THIS "HOMEWORLD" OF YOURS" "its, its, its" she started to say right before some thing with a bunch a legs attacked them.

" _AH_ " mayor dewey yelled jumping back a bit. "Its the *snort* cluster prototypes!" peridot yelled back. The thing with a bunch of legs ran after mayor dewey and lion dropped peridorp. Mayor dewey got on top of a rock and pulled lion up as the cluster thingy or whatever tried to get them. "DONT WORRY LION, I'VE GOT MY _PUMP-ACTION SHOTGUN_ " mayor dewey said and then he shot the cluster with a bunch of legs. It made a hole in the middle and the gem or whatever shattered. Just then more cluster thingys started to rise from the ground. "I'M GONNA NEED SOMETHIN MORE POTENT FOR THIS" the beautiful mayor said. He then handed his shotgun to lion and got out his pump action tommy gun. Mayor dewey and lion then fucking _**massacred**_ the cluster gems. Their arms and shit went everywhere. One of the clusters kinda looked like a piñata so mayor dewey got out his baseball bat and started fucking _pounding_ into it. A bunch of gem shards poured out of it. "AAAAAYYY" mayor dewey let out in glee. He and lion then fucking ate the cluster alive and snorted the gem shards. They then fucking executed all surviving clusters. "WELL LION, I THINK THATS ALL OF THEM" said mayor dewey. Lion let out a roar in agreement but then mayor dewey said "WAIT WHERED THAT LITTLE SHIT GO".

The pair then saw peridorp using her finger things to helichopter away. "Heh Heh, SEE YA LATER CLODS!" she let out in a nasally voice. "QUICK LION" mayor dewey yelled to the rosy feline. Lion got out the bazooka from the car and threw it to mayor dewey. Mayor dewey caught it and then shot it at peridorp. The missle fucking exploded on impact on her body and she was shot down from the sky. Her body **_slammed_** onto the ground and mayor dewey got on top of her. "THOUGHT YOU COULD RUN AWAY HUH" he yelled and then got out a pair of pliers. He shoved them into her mouth and fucking ripped out one of her fucking teeth. " _YAGGHH_ " she screamed as blood started to spurt from her mouth (eventhough gems don't have blood). "WHERE THE FUCK IS HOMEWORLD" the irate mayor yelled at her. "It-Its on the *snort* Worpad!" she said pointing at the worpad. "LION TIE HER UP" he yelled to his best cat friend. Lion obliged and tied up peridorp with some rope and then gagged the crying, bleeding peridot and then threw her in the trunk of the car. The duo then got back in the convertible and drove on top of the worpad, worping to the worp pad station.

AN: sorry it took sooooo long to update my life was in shambles hope ya guyz reely enslaved this champer ;)


	16. worpsation blues

Anyway, after mayor dewey got done kidnapping peridorp him and lion drove onto the worpad and did a worp. They and their car arrived in the worpstation place ya know with all the worps. Mayor dewey got peridorp out of the trunk and held her up, showing her all the worpads. "WHICH ONE OF THESE GODAMN WORPADS LEADS TO HOMEWORLD" mayor dewey said shaking her. "The one in the *snort* the middle but its all *snort* broken!" replied the crying, bleeding, green gem. "I"LL SHOW YOU BROKEN" yelled mayor dewey. He then punched peridorp on her nose, breaking it. " _YAGGH_ " peridorp screamed in anguish. it got all crooked and started to bleed (eventhough gems don't have blood). "GODAMNIT" mayor dewey let out in frustration "HOW THE FUCK AM I GONNA GET TO HOMEWORD" "The-the only way to get there without a *snort* worpad is a *snort* spaceship and you don't have one of those!" peridot said in desperation to mayor dewey. Mayor dewey sat down and appeared to be in deep thought for awhile before getting and idea and saying "YOU SAID YOU WERE WORKING ON A COMMUNICATION DEVICE RIGHT" "*sniff* yeah" "I NEED YOU TO MAKE ONE AND MAKE HOMEWORLD SEND A SHIP AFTER YOU" "o-okay!" peridot agreed, doing a little salute out of fear.

Peridot started working on a communication device while mayor dewey hung back at the convertible. Lion kept watch over peridorp to make sure she wouldn't try and run away. Mayor dewey was in the back seat with his feat in the air and sitting on buck's legs. He was eating some sour straws while looking at the brochures of Miami florida again. He let out a sigh as he looked through the pages. He took pearl's gem out and held it up his cheek, caressing it. "DONT WORRY PEARL, ONCE I DESTROY HOMEWORLD YOU, ME, LION, AND BUCK CAN FINALLY SETTLE DOWN IN MIAMI, LIKE WE ALWAYS DREAMED" he said as a tear fell down his cheek. "uh, s-sir?" peridorp squeeked out " _ **WHAT**_ " he yelled visibly upset. "th-the communicators done s-sir!" she said with a scared salute. "AH, EXCELLENT" he proclaimed, noticeably happier. He walked over to it and turned it on. "HOW LONG TILL ONE OF THESE SHITS SHOW UP" "*snort* not too long!" peridorp replied slightly shaking. "GOOD" mayor dewey replied. The trio then got back in the car and worped to a different location.

They arrived at a forest with a clearing with the communicator. Just then they saw a shimmer in the sky like a shooting star. Just then some sort of spaceship fell to earth about a mile away. "THERE THEY ARE" mayor dewey yelled. They drove to the crash site and saw a red sphere thing and a bunch of rubies popped out of it. "Alwight, dis is da pwace guys. We gotta find the peridworp and get back to homeworld. WUBIES, SPWEAD OUT" the leader of the rubies said to all the other rubies. Just then Lion accelerated really fast out of the shadows (it was nighttime by now) and charged toward the wubies. Lion flattened one of them but missed the other 4. " _WUN!_ " yelled one them and they spread out. "GET EM" mayor dewey yelled and he and lion spread out while peridorp stayed scared in the car. Lion ran in one direction while mayor dewey ran in the other. Dewey chased two of the wubies into the woods. He managed to shoot one of them in the leg and bashed them in their fucking gem skull and then they poofed into their gem. He put the gem in his pocket and hunted down the other. He stopped to listen and heard a noise in a bush. He looked and saw the wuby leader hyperventilating (eventhough gems don't breathe). "SUPRISE" he yelled. The wuby leader shrieked in fear before mayor dewey jumped ontop of them and started stabing them. Their screams filled the forest as mayor dewey plunged in his knife into their crappy little gem body. Finally they poofed and mayor dewey took the gem and headed back.

Mayor dewey got back to the car and found lion waiting there next to the car with peridorp. "DID JA GET EM LION" he asked to the rose colored panthera leo. Lion nodded before coughing up the two other wuby gems. "ALRIGHT. PERIDORP, I NEED YOU TO PILOT THIS SHIP TO HOMEWORLD" "o-okay s-sir!" peridorp stuttered out and got in the spaceship. Mayor dewey and lion got out all the stuff from the car and put it in the spaceship and then put the car in the spaceship cuz it could kinda fit too. The trio, including buck, launched off into the sky in the spaceship. Mayor dewey looked out the window as they traveled upwards. He saw the crater that was now beach city and he saw Miami florida. " _don't worry, i'm comin for you baby_ " he whispered as they broke through the atmosphere. Mayor dewey looked at space through the window. It was okay. They then passed by the moon and mayor dewey looked away from window. Meanwhile on the moon, a certain angry blue midget watched the ship fly by. "Nows my chance!" she let out in evil glee as she flew out of her crater home toward earth. She then laughed evily as the scene started to fade.

AN: hope this looooong chipper chapper makes up for no updats hope you fine fellas really indoctrinated this charper. :)


	17. a space oddessy

Anyway, after mayor dewey, lion, and peridorp blasted off into space, mayor dewey asked "HOW LONG UNTIL WE GET TO HOMEWORLD". "H-hopefully not *snort* t-too long!" peridorp replied in a loyal and frightened tone cuz she was scared of mayor dewey and lion. "GOOD, LET ME KNOW WHEN WE GET THERE" "n-no problem *snort* b-boss!" peridorp said with a shaky salute over her black eye. Mayor dewey then went to go sit on the couch with lion who was eatin some doritos. He once again pulled out the brochures of Miami, florida and daydreamed once more. Noble mayor dewey, patriarch of his chicken farm empire. His feline best friend lion keeping watch over his flocks of chikens, brutally mauling all those who dare intrude on their realm. Buck, his loyal son, carrying on the family name and working on the chickend farm. Peridorp, their adopted gem daughter/slave who preformed every task that they asked. And finally the lovely pearl, mayor Dewey's gem wife. It would be so perfect. Lion keeping watch over their flock, Buck feeding the chickens and collecting the eggs to make food and sell, Peridorp cleaning up the mess and acting as a personal butler/maid, and mayor dewey and pearl procreating little gemlings who would also work the farm. Truly, a vision of the American dream.

While mayor dewey was daydreaming, he got sleepy and dozed off but he woke up when some sirens in the spaceship started to go off. "PERIDORP WHY THE _**FUCK** _ DID YOU INTERUPT MY FUCKING NAP" he yelled as he ran over and **_slammed_** peridorps stupid ass fucking face into the controls, giving her a black eye. "w-w-we're g-going through the *snort* asteroid belt s-sir!" peridorp replied shakily cuz she was scared of mayor dewey. "GOD FUCKING DAMNIT" mayor dewey said and then he threw her off the control seat and got on. Peridorp was so fcuking stupid that she managed to drive into a fucking asteroid belt. What a dumbass. Mayor dewey steered the spaceship out of the way of a bunch of asteroids but there was a really big one so he got out his pump action laser gun and fucking blasted the asteroid out of existence. After he got done driving out them out of the asteroid belt he went over to peridorp and started to fucking strangle her. "aCH S-SIR IM *snort* SORRY" she blurted out as mayor dewey choked her to death (eventhough gems don't have to breathe). "YOU LITTLE FUCKING SHIT I'M GONNA KILL YOU-" he yelled has he strangled the life out of her but he stopped cuz he heard lion roar something and then he noticed they were going by Jupiter.

"OH HEY COOL" he shouted, dropping peridorp as he noticed they were going by Jupiter. Jupiter was mayor deweys favorite planet cuz it had the big red spot. All the other planets were complete fuckign shit compared to it. He went over to the window and pressed his face and hands to the glass while he had a big smile on his face. He looked at the big red dot and at the multiple moons of Jupiter and he got pretty happy about it. "COME LOOK LION" hey yelled to his feline sidekick. Lion picked up peridorp in his mouth who was still pretty scared and went over the window. There they saw the most beautiful planet in existence. Lion dropped peridorp and roared happily and even peridorp got pretty excited. She pressed her face and hands against the glass like mayor dewey did and had a look of awe and even got stars in her eyes like steven sometimes did except that steven was fucking dead. Mayor dewey looked down at her and he picked her up and hugged her and gave her a little peck on the cheek, fully adopting her as his gem daughter/servant. He even got buck (who was still unconscious) out of the car and dragged him over to the window. The 4 of them looked at Jupiter at the window and had a pretty happy family moment. It was so cute.

After they got done looking at Jupiter, mayor dewey got back at the controls and started to drive the ship again. They continued on their spasce journey and went past all the other shitty planets until they got out of the solar system. Peridorp gave mayor dewey directions on how to get to homeworld along the way but she asked at one point. "M-m-mayor d-dewey why do you *snort* w-want to go to *snort* h-homeworld anyway?" she asked kinda shakily in her nasaly voice. Mayor dewey just looked at her for a few seconds before he gave her a little pat on the head and tussling her triangular hair. "DONT WORRY ABOUT IT PERIDORP, I'LL TELL YA LATER" he replied in his politician voice. Peridorp was kinda sad that mayor dewey didn't answer her question but was glad that he didnt give her another black eye. Along the way to homeworld, the Trio plus buck saw many sights (except buck didnt cuz he was still unconscious). They saw big bright stars of multiple colors, including green. They saw the orion nebula and all its stuff. They saw a really cool galaxy even though they were still in the milky way. They did all this while listening and singing along to the greatest hits of Frank Sinatra CD that mayor dewey put in. " _FLY ME TO THE MOON, LET ME PLAAAAAY AMONG THE STARS, LET ME SEE WHAT SPRING IS LIKE ON JUPITER AND MAR-"_ they sang but were cut off when they noticed they were approaching homeworld.

AN: sorry for no update in an entire month guyz I was in a state of missouri and my life was in fucking shambles, but I'm ok now hope u fine franky boys out there really imperialized this chatter ps thanks for all da support from u gys :)


	18. homeworld massacre genocide extreme

"H-Hey guys its *snort* homeworld!" peridorp let out in glee as she and mayor dewey and lion noticed that they were approching homeworld. "Man, *snort* I cant wait to-" mayor dewey interrupted her by pushing her the fuck down "GET OUT OF MY WAY GODAMNIT" he yelled as he shovd her down. He then got on the controls and fucking accelerated at a really fast spped toward homeworld. He was like the fuckin meteor that killed the dinosaurs as he floored the spaceship toward the planet. They burnt through the atmosphere real fuckin quick and smashed into the side of a building. Peridorp and lion and buck who was in the car got all tossed around but mayor dewery diddnt cuz he put his seatbelt on. He got out of his seat and climbed out da spaceship and looked around. They had landed in a rural gem village ontop of what used to be a be gem blacksmith. All the other buildings in the gem village were made of wood and stone and straw and the gemfolk were all pretty fuckin surpised at the spaceship crashed in the middle of the village. "HEY LION YA ALRIGHT" mayor dewey yelled to his feline compatriot. Lion replied by raising his paw out of da spaceship and makin dat gestur with ur thumb and finger that meant u were ok. Peridorp crawled out of da spaceship with her broken bones and stuff and fell onto the ground breaking a few more bones. "M-m-mayor dewey why did u *snort* crash in to h-homeworld?" she let out in her nasally voice as she twitched with pain. "DONT WORRY ABOUT IT" he said as he picked her up and threw her into lion's mane wher there was no air cuz he got out and had buck in his mouth by his shirt. Lion let go of him and he fell to the ground and woke up. "ugh dad wher da fuck are we what da fuck are we doin in a village" bucked asked like he just woke up from a nap. "WE'RE ON HOMEWORLD SON AINT IT GREAT" mayor dewey replied to his son with his arms wide open. "Dad what da fuck is a homewarld" buck asked while rubbing his head. Mayor dewey had anticipated that his son's mind would be too weak to comphrehend the idea of aliens and stuff so he picked him up like a lil baby and fucking shoved him into lions mane "DAD WHATAYA DO-" buck began to yell but got cut off cuz he was in lions mane now. Mayor dewey knew he couldn't breath in there but he figured buck was a pretty tough cookie so he'd be okay.

Just then some stupid fucking gem peasant walked over to their crater and started yelling at them. "OI WOT R U DOIN TO ME BLACKSMITH YA FUCKIN PISSRAT YA GONNA HAF TO PAY FO-" just then mayor dewey took out his pump action shotgun and fucking blew the gem peasant's brains out all across the fucking gem village. "WHAT THE **_FUCK_** DID YOU JUST SAY YOU LITTLE SHIT" he yelled angrily as he shot him and then began firing into the crowd. The crowd of gem peasants started to scream and run away as mayor unloaded into them. "AH YEAH YA LIKE YOU PIECE OF SHIT" he yelled as shot at them. Mayor dewey looked at lion who was licking his paw and said "COME ON LION LETS GO". Lion nodded and pulled out Vidalia's revolver. The two then began to go on a fucking massacre in the little gem village. Mayor dewey fucking _murdered_ a bunch of gems while lion hunted them down like a lion. Mayor dewey pumped some green gem full of lead and then 360 noscoped the fuck out of some peasants. Lion mauled and ate countless gem peasants while their screams filled the air of the village. A gem peasant barricaded himself in his hut so mayor dewey set it on fire with a torch and left him to die. Lion sniped some peasants who tried to run away with his revolver and then mayor dewey got a sword and started fucking decapitating a bunch of gems. By the time mayor dewey and lion were done the entire village was on fire and everyone was fucking dead except for one gem who tried to crawl away but mayor dewey saw her and put a bullet in the back of her head, making her poof out of existence. Mayor dewey was pretty proud of himself. He hadn't felt this good since he nuked beach city or killed Vidalia or _murdered_ steven and his entire fucking family (minus pearl and lion). However mayor dewey quickly realized that he had no fucking idea who their leader was or whoo to make pay for interrupting his frank Sinatra station.

Suddenly mayor dewey felt somethin in his pocket and all the wuby gems from earlier jumped out of his pocket and reformed. "Whowh wut hwapened?" exclaimed the leader of the wubys who had one eye cuz the other was a gem or some shit. All the other wubys looked really confused and started wandering around completely oblivious to the fact that an entire gem village full of gem peasants was fucking destroyed. Mayor dewey got ready to shoot but then realized he could use them for information. He fucking **_yanked_** the leader wuby by his collar and held him up. "p-pwease don't huwt me mistah dewey" he said but mayor dewey then said "WHO IS YOUR LEADER GODAMNIT" he yelled at the leader wuby. "Our weader is yewwow diamond, she wivs in a big castle in dat diwection" the leader wuby said pointing toward a place in the distance. "But da onwy way to get der is by howseback cuz it reawy far away" the wuby leader then said again. Mayor dewey then noticed a bunch of gem horses and decided to use them to get to yellow diamonds castle. "ALRIGHT RUBIES YOURE COMING WITH ME" he said dropping the wuby leader. "okay" they all said and then got on lion's back cuz he could fit them cuz they wer little. Mayor dewey then set off on horseback toward the direction of yellow diamonds castle and lion and da wubys followed him.

AN: alirght gys heres da new chomper I hope u all really exterminate it ps kevin stop showin everyone at school my fanfic I'm gonna tell my dad on you and he'll beat you up okay


	19. dewey khan

Anyway, after mayor dewey and lion fucking _destroyed_ that shitty little retardetd gem village, him and lions and the wubys rode off across the great gem steppe toward yellow diamonds gem castle or whatever. Mayor dewey was on his gem horse and the wubys were ridin lion's back while they galloped and whatever the fuck lion did across the land. Mayor dewey saw a few huts in the distance and decided to go to theme cuz his tummy was kinda rumbly since they ran out of sour straws and mountain dew and doritos. They arrived at the lil huts and saw some tiny blue gem peasent with a moustache tilling his fields of gem wheat and shit. Mayor dewey got off his horsie and walked toward him. The gem peasent held his gem plow next to him as he noticed the humble mayor approaching him. "Greetings laddie, be there anything I can do-" before the gem could finish in his thick accent mayor fucking fuCKING **_SLAMMED_** the butt of his shot gun into his stupid fucking forehead. THe gem fell on the ground, lifeless and then poofed into his gem. "FUCKING PEASEANTS" Mayor dewey said as he and lion started collecting the gem wheat. With the help of the wuby's slave labor they got a bunch of gem wheat together and then sat down around the fire cuz it was nighttime by now. Mayor dewey sat on a log while the wubys sat next to lion for warmth.

"IT SURE IS PEACEFUL ISNT IT" Mayor dewey exclaimed. Lion nodded in agreement as he licked his paws and wubys all nodded simultaneously like a bunch of people who look alike in a cartoon do when they nod. The sky was pretty peaceful and you could see the 5 moons that homeworld had and also a bunch of stars. "HOW BOUT WE HAVE SOME DINNER EH?" the hungry mayor asked. Lion let out a lion sound in agreement and started passing around the gem wheat. Mayor dewey took some wheat and started chewing on it. Almost immediately he spit it the FUCK out " _ **EUGH**_ " he yelled " ** _THIS IS FUCKING DISGUSTING_** ". He spit out all the fucking gem wheat and lit a torch and set the rest of the wheat field and hut on fire. Everything was on fucking fire and you could see the fire from a distance cuz it was really bright. When mayor dewey got done setting everything on fire he went over to the retarded wubys and picked up the one with wuby on its leg and started FCKING **_SHAKING EM_**. "HOW THE **_FUCK_** DO YOU RETARDED GEMS EAT THIS SHIT" he yelled at the lil gem who was nervous cuz mayor dewey was mad. "w-w-we dwont eat da weat we make bwead owt of it and den eat it" the wuby said crying. "I DONT KNOW HOW TO MAKE **_FUCKING_** BREAD YOU DUMB SHIT HOW THE HELL ARE WE GONNA EAT" Mayor dewey yelled as he threw the gem on the ground. "maybwe we can swell the weat at a mawket for fwood!" the wuby with the yellow glasses proposed. "DID I FUCKING ASK YOU" Mayor dewey exclaimed as he punched them in the face, breaking their stupid yellow glasses. Mayor dewey thought it over and then cmae to a conclusion. "ALRIGHT, FIRST THING TOMORROW MORNING WE'RE GOING TO A CITY AND TRADING ALL THIS FUCKING WHEAT FOR FOOD OKAY" he announced. Everyone nodded except for that one wuby who crying cuz mayor dewey was mean to them. By then the fire went out and it was dark again. Mayor dewey was pretty tired since he hadn't slept since he decided to fucking _murder_ steven and his entire family so he decided go to sleep. He made himself a lil grass blanket and cradled pearl's gem near his face as he and everyone else drifted off into sleep.

THe next morning Mayor dewey and Lion and the wubys went to the gem city of Constantigemnople to trade in their wheat. A bunch of gem peasants and merchants were goin through the gates with their wagons and stuff. The city was pretty big and it had this giant gen building in the middle with a dome and stuff. "SO WHERES THE MARKET" mayor dewey asked. "its dis way" one of the wubys said. They all walked until they got to the market where gems sold stuff like gem weapons and funny pictures and cool clothes. Mayor went to a vender with his crates fulla wheat and put it on their vending table. "HELLO YOUNG LADY" he said with a wink. The gem lady had a neutral expression. "I WOULD LIKE TO SELL THIS FINE WHEAT FOR SOME SUSTANANCE". The gem lady looked at the crates of wheat for a few minutes before saying "we don't serve HUMANS here". Mayor dewey couldn't fucking believe this. These fucking RACIST GEMS were not gonna take his wheat! He screamed "OH YEAH?! WELL I DONT GIVE A SHIT" he then pulled out his pump-action shotgun and blewt the gem'S FUCKING HEAD OFF. Their gems brains went all over the place and got on the wheat and stuff. SUddently all the gems in the market started panicing and running away. "GET EM" mayor dewey yelled. He went on a shooting rampage throughout the market, killing multiple gems with his shotgun while lion ate a bunch of gems. He hacked and slashed a bunch with his sword and also destroyed a bunch of crates and stalls. Mayor dewey cornered a gem who cried "P-PLEASE NO I HAVE A FAMILY!" Mayor dewey didn't fucking care and blew their brains out. Meanwhile buck and peridorp were suffocating in lion's mane. As mayor dewey climbed onto the wreckage of a bunch crates and stuff he noticed a bunch of gems in armor with crossbows approaching. "its da pywites!" one of the wubys cried. Mayor dewey then realized what he had to do. He put a grenade launcher attachment on his pump-action shotgun and shot it at a strategic place on a nearby mountain, causing an avalance/landslide that buried most of the gem city. Mayor dewey proudly overlooked the scene on top of his crates as screams filled the air of Constantigemnople. Mayor dewey then realized what he had to do. He had to _destroy_ homeworld and _murder_ everyone who lived on it.

Mayor dewey then took a bunch of gem pizza from the gem pizza store cuz he reALLY liked pizza and he also looted some bow n arrows from the bow n arrow store. He went over to the wubys who were sittin on the ground playin with some lil blocks and stuff and threw the bow n arrows at them. Then Mayor dewey said "IF YOU LIL SHITS ARE GONNA STAY WITH ME, YOURE GONNA FIGHT" but then the wuby wit the unibrow said "I don wanna!" in a lower voice cuz he had a unibrow and was ugly. "OH YEAH?" mayor dewey said then he took a gem chair and fUCKING **_SMASHED_** IT OVER HIS STUPID FUCKING HEAD. "OW" the wuby said as he fell down on the ground with big boo boo on his head "YOUR GONNA FIGHT AND YOUR GONNA FUCKGING LIKE IT" Mayor dewey said and then kicked the wuby in the stomach to make sur the wuby knew he was serious. All the other wubys got their bow n arrows and then mayor dewey and lion got some more stuff from the gem stores. When they were goin through the gem stores mayor dewey went in the hat store and saw this really cool hat made out fur and stuff. "AH YEAH COOL" Mayor dewey said as he put it on his balding head and looked at himself in the mirror. He looked magnificent. Then they all left the gem city

Mayor dewey gallantly rode on his magnificent gem steed as lion magnificently trodded across with the wubys on the great gem steppe. Mayor dewey was pretty good at riding horses cuz he had that painting in his office in beach city of him riding a horse and also his great grandpa was actually ghengis khan who was also really good at riding horses. While riding through the great gem steppe on the way to yellow diamonds castle mayor dewey noticed a caravan of gem merchants traveling across the gem silk road. They had a bunch of gem gaurds with them cuz they heard about thte destruction of constantigemnople and also that one village that got destroyed when they landed. They had some crossbows and longbows and a catapult to protect the caravanan from bandits and stuff. Mayor dewey then got an idea! He took his nife and attached it to his pump-action shotgun like a bayonet and then fuCKING CHARGED IN all World War 1 style on his horse. He fucking **_IMPALED_** one of the gme gaurds to a cart and surprised all the others. He then fukcing headshotted 2 more gaurds while the wubys provided support with their bow n arrows which they set on fire. Mayor dewey and lion then proceeded to fucking murder a bunch of gaurds and gem merchants. One gem merchant tried to escape but mayor dewey shot out both of their kneecaps and thehn pinned them down. The gem merchant pleaded "Please Sire, I be a mere merchant sellin me wares, spare me!" Mayor dewey couldn't care fucking less and then he impaled on a pike along the gem silk road to spook travelers.

As mayor dewey looked around the remains of the caravan he noticed all the poofed gems and got an idea. Using some silk from the carts he made himself a gem necklace and put it on. He looked fucking fantastic as the gems glimmered in the sun. Mayor dewey and lion and the wubys then took all the all the gem coins they had and torched everything else making a big fire and then they all rode off.

From then on mayor dewey and lion and the wubys went on a rampage throughout homeworld. They destroyed countless villages full of gems, burning buildings, and leaving piles of gems everywhere. They came across forts but mayor dewey fucking blew their walls using trebuchets because catapults are fuckign garbage and slaughtedrd everygem inside and even poured hot silver down their leader's throat. "P-PLEASE NO, _**NO**_ " but mayor dewey did it anyway cuz he didn't like the way the gem looked. The gem leader had a beard and wore armor and his suffering as the hot silver was poared down his throat scared off a bunch of surving gaurds. After Mayor dewey and lion got done at that retarded fort they continued on their quest toward yellow diamonds castle. Lion grew a really cool moustache and the wubys got a bunch of scars and stuff from battle and also they now wore tiny armor.

Eventually Yellow Dimond heard about mayor dewey and his lil army so she sent her own army of big buff powerful gem soldiers to kill them. Mayor Dewey and Lion and the wubys saw them coming but mayor dewey had a plan. He strategically placed explosives in the ground where they were walkin and when they walked over it it exploded a bunch of them. Their stupid gem body parts went everywhere and there was gem blood everywhere(eventhough gems don't have blood). All the rest were so surprised they didn even seen mayor dewey doing and _**epic**_ calvary charge. He 480 no scoped a bunch of soldiers while the wubys brutally beat one soldier death with a bunch of lil sticks and lion mauled a few. By the end of the battle mayor dewey stood triumphantly on a mountain of poofed gems while a bunch of stuff was on fire it looked really cool. " I HAVE BECOME DEATH, DESTROYER OF WORLDS" Mayor dewey let out in a victory cry before dancing on the pile of poofed gem corpses.

With Yellow Diamond's army out of the way nothing stood between Mayor dewey and Yellow Diamond's stupid fucking face...

AN: alright guys I hope u all reEALLY enjooyed this chaptker I spent a suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuper long time on it but I hope u all really like it thanks :) by the way kevin stop making fun of steven universe its a better show than the fosters or whatever the fuck u watc u stupid fucking faggot


	20. blu dimond assassination

Anyway, after mayor dewey got done fucking _murdering_ yellow diamond's stupid fucking retarded army, he and lion and the wubys rode off toward gem-rome, the capitall of the of the great gem empire. He was basically unstoppable as he slaughtered every gem town he came across, his collection of gem jewlrey increasing with each village he massacred. His gem horse died because mayor dewey forgot to feed it so he just stole another from some goddamn gem peasants. As he approached gem-rome with his small army he noticed they had some pretty big walls which were pretty big so he couldn't blow em up as easily. Then he got an idea!. "I KNOW" mayor dewey said as a tiny lil lightbulb above his head appeard cuz he had an idea "I'LL BUILD A PILE WITH MY GEMS TO CLIMB UP THERE" Mayor dewey than got out his bag full gems he poofed and made a pile along the great gem wall. Eventually the pile was big enough to climb on he and lion and the wubys got on top of the wall. There was a gem guard there who didn't see them so mayor dewey sneaked up on him and FUCKIGN STABBED THE SHIT OUT HIM ANd dumped his body off the wall into gem-rome to scare people because mayor dewey takes pleasure in the suffering of others.

Anyway after he brutally murdered that stupid ass gem guard he looked through his binoculars at the great gem palace where yellow diamond lived. Suddently, he noticed that a gem horse drawn cart was coming out of it. Yellow Diamond's retarded sister blue diamond was in it! Mayor dewey got onto the roof of a gem house and took out his pump-action shotgun and attached a scope to it. As Blue Dimond waved to the crowd of various gems mayor dewey jfk assassinated her. "BOOM HEADSHOT" mayor dewey yelled victoriously. Her head fucking exploded and her gem blood and skull fragments and parts of her brain went everywhere on her gem cart. Her driver tried to drive away but mayor shot him two so the cart ran into someone's house and exploded instantly.

Mayor Dewey slid down the retarded gem roof, picking off hapless terrified gem civillians,both gem plebians and patricians because Mayor Dewey's wrath does not care about social status. After killing like 50 gems he got to the wreckage of blue diamond's stupid fucking gem carriage and took her gem as a war trophy. After that he noticed all the Diamond's royal guards approaching so he and lion took cover in a gem shop while the wubys stayed on the roof cuz theyre afraid of heights. The gem shopkeep started to freak the **_FUCK OUT_** and was all like "MAMA MIA, whata-ya are-ya doing in my-a spicy gem-a pizza shop?!". "HEY WAIT I LIKE PIZZA" mayor dewey said, as he was quite hungry at the time. He handed the gem shopkeep some gembucks and got a slice of pizza. As the gem gaurds enclosed on his position, mayor dewey sat down at a table with lion to partake in their meal. Raising a glass of gem wine as a toast, mayor dewey bit into the gem pizza and almost fucking vomited " ** _EUGH_** " mayor dewey spat out in disgust. " _ **THERE FUCKING PINEAPPLE ON THIS SHIT**_ ". Mayor dewey attempted to remove the awful taste with some gem wine but it tasted like shit so mayor dewey spit it out " _ **PLUBGH**_ ". He projectile vomited all over the fucking gem pizza shop, getting his barf everywhere. "EY MAMA MIA, ya gettin-a vomit-a all over my pizza-a!" His retarded accent reminded mayor dewey of the goddamn pizza family that he _murdered_ so he did a lil hand motion to lion. Lion pulled a machete out of his mane and tossed it to mayor dewey. While all the gaurds were shooting crossbows at the gem pizza shop, mayor dewey lunged at the gem shopkeep with his machete and FUCKING HACKED THAT GODAMN ITALIAN GEM **_RETARD_** TO **_MOTHERFUCKING_** BITS GOdaMNiT. After mayor dewey eviscerated the stupid gem he noticed his wife and family cowering in doorway of the other room. Mayor dewey approached them and they backed into the pizza making room. He locked the door behind him while lion provide cover from the gaurds. Their screams along with the sounds of mayor dewey slicing them to bits filled the air of the pizza shop. When mayor dewey left the room he was covered in gem blood and had 3 new gems on his gem necklace. "I GOT AN IDEA" he said. Mayor dewey got some pizza grease from the back room where he brutally murdered that one gem's family and put in a bottle. He threw the pizza grease Molotov cocktail onto the gem gaurds and they fucking burst into flames. Several of them ran away but a few were burnt pretty badly and poofed into their gems after burning to death on the floor and being burnt to a crisp like crispy pizza.

Now that that dumb bitch Blue diamond was dead, Mayor dewey could now finally extract revenge on yellow dimond...

AN: heyoo everybuddy its clodd hope u all engloyed this chapter I spent a long time working on it


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